These are my words. Also, pictures.

My advise Column #1: Stop telling me to “get over it”.

When was the last time I was happy? I don’t really know. There are things that make me temporary happy: The first drink of the night (usually Vodka heavy), pain killers with a bottle of wine, dying and coming back, picking a wedgey, buying a new gadget or scoring a good fuck and hoping he leaves in the morning. What makes me the happiest? Getting the fuck out of somewhere. Disappearing. Preferably, forever.

These are all temporary solutions, to a more permanent problem. Because I established some kind of online persona, I look for clients online and family reads pretty much everything I do on the Internet, I keep a lot about me under wraps. Sure, I say pretty personal things, but that isn’t even close to what the reality is. When I’m typing out “yay yay yay”, I’m most likely feeling “ fuck fuck fuck”. Yeah, so I’m a bit of a hypocrite. Fuck you. I just try to act as who I want to be — Fake it, ‘til you make it. This is how you play the game of LIFE

Under this happy, Internet persona, lies a broken person looking for the answers, as most people are. These are some of my conclusions, but don’t take this as fact. I’m not a fucking psychologist or behavioral theorist, so piss off and just take this for what it is worth.

I will be writing little pieces of “advise” because I’m bored and I fucking feel like it.

Stop telling me to “get over it”.

People don’t just break, they are broken. Most likely than not, someone came along and said, “Hey! You look fun to throw around!”, threw you against a wall and didn’t even bother to pick up the pieces. This person is most likely a piece of shit, so you shouldn’t bother. Good advise right? They don’t deserve your tears and you should move on. Well, to whoever wrote that piece of genius commentary, go fuck yourself. I find it difficult for someone to pick up their own pieces when they are scattered all over the floor. Don’t be an asshole and give this advice to anyone.

People don’t react the same to certain life problems. Life literary means, “ deal with fucking problems and drink Vodka”. Really, look it up. The meaning of “life” is something at least the Russians got right.

When ever you see someone in trouble, sad, and fucked up over someone or something, support them. Don’t pick up the pieces for them, but help them re-learn how. When we are in our dark places, we often forget how to do even the most mundane and normal things. Help that person see that they have forgotten and help them relearn how.

Cooties are a myth so go and give them a hug, or a long awkward cuddle. It’s okay; it won’t make you gay or a pussy, but someone that gives a shit about your friends.

Simply, be a decent human being and stop being a selfish prick for once. Love others and when you are fucked up and broken, they will be there for you. I guarantee that.