These are my words. Also, pictures.

a letter to the other

She feels so empty without you. 

It’s silly, really. I know you miss her but you don’t love her.  She was devastated but seemed to strong.  She began talking about moving on and seemed pretty alright on the outside. But she is really good at that, isn’t she? I guess you out of all people should know that.

She is a mess. 

It’s hard to watch her break down and it’s almost as if everyday, she loses a bit of life. That beautiful light she carries within her, dims down everyday. Isn’t it suppose to get better? I’m scared for her. She began to cut herself recently. “I want to feel something”, she said. She has been here before and I know it is because of you, although she won’t admit it. Daily, she drowns in pills and alcohol, for the “fun” — but we all know that is not true. 

I want to help her; Take her by the hand, hold her, and make everything go away. I want to love her like you couldn’t and undo all the pain you caused her. But I can’t. She is far too gone and I can’t seem to get through to her no matter what I do. She is dying. 

Man do I miss her. She was so full of life, had big dreams, and looked forward to life with such an infectious energy. You had to mercilessly rip it away from her, didn’t you?

I hope to one day fill that emptiness she carries inside and replace the darkness you left in her. If she doesn’t make it, I want you to know you are only one she really loved and who she gave her heart to, as fucked up as that is. 

You not only took her away from me and the world, but from herself.